I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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