I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
