My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
