i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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