I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
