I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
