I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I smell stomach acid.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
