im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
