I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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