You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
