im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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