She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
