Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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