dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
