Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
