come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize