he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
