I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
