Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize