we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize