Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
