Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
