the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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