It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my nose is crying tears of wow.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
