ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
