I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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