I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
