The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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