Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
