every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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