I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize