Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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