Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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