it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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