I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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