White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
