It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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