there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
