So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
