I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
