I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
