I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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