My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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