Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
