they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
