Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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