wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
