he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
