I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
