Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
