how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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