I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
