so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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