i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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