I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
