1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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