I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
