What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
