a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
