for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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