The maid of honor just puked.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
