You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
