Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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