woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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