Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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