We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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