the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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